If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
