but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Randomize
