Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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