Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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