Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
