they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
