Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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