Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
