Your face is a jimmy john
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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