The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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