i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
