Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
