i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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