something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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