this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
