you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
