i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
