And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
