You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
