I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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