when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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