so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
