Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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