I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Couch. On fire.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
