Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
