Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
