i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
