my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
two words: eviction party
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
