Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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