omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
