You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
