I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
