their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
