he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
