yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
