I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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