Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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