I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
