I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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