As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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