chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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