He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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