no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
