dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
