We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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