by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
