god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
