Just took my morning after pill in the library
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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