I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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