it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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