i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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