my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
