I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
