Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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