Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Your dad touched me again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
