Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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