I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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