I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
