check it out our google latitudes are spooning
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
