I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
